Sooo, my cancer tumor markers are going up. I know that’s not a definitive test — the CT Scan is. Still, I’m scared and sure could use your prayers.
This also means I’m dropping NaBloPoMo because frankly, I
don’t care. I don’t think I’ll want to blog much in the next 1 1/2 weeks which is how long it will probably take to get the results. After that? — who knows.
Not that writing every day is very important right now. Holding myself together emotionally will be the most important thing.
For those of you who pray, please send some up for me.
So, I have a nasty virus, the doctor said. It typically lasts three to five days, and I’m on Day 4. I guess I got the five day special.
So there’s nothing to do but ride it out. The doctor does want me to have one test done — the stool sample test. Oh, joy. I’m fine with medical professionals taking vials of blood from me, but I don’t even like peeing in a cup. I’m pretty sure I won’t like . . . well, you know. Heh.
He’s being careful, though. He said “with everything else going on” with me, it’s good to be cautious. I’ve heard that phrase before.
So, I’ll go to one of the medical clinics tomorrow and hand them a paper, and they’ll give me a little kit to . . . you know, and bring back to them.
Well, it’s November; the month where we give our thanks. In previous years, I’ve written down one thing to be thankful for each day. This year, I just kind of let it slip by, so I’m challenging myself to write down 30 things — one for each day in November — that I’m thankful for. In no particular order (well, maybe the first ones, but not after that), here’s my list:
1. An awesome God who’s always with me.
2. My husband, Absent Minded Professor, who has been a great support throughout our marriage, including when I’ve been in cancer treatment.
3. Our wonderful son, Energy Boy, who is the joy of my life.
4. My family, who is there for me during tough times (and not-so-tough times).
5. My church family, who are not just great people, they’ve prayed for me since the beginning of all of this.
6. My oncologist, Dr. Funky Glasses, who truly wants to keep me around for awhile, gives me hope, and is just a good oncologist.
7. My other doctors who have been awesome in their own rights.
8. Prayer, which to me = the ability to connect on a personal basis with God.
9. My In Real Life friends who are there for me in a pinch.
10. My online friends who are there for me as much as they can be in a virtual world.
11. My house. Though it always be cluttered, there’s no place like home. Heh. Also, I’m glad that in these economic times, we have a roof over our heads.
12. The health insurance from my employer. Even though co-pays and other things have made us “cancer-poor,” I’m thankful that I do have a good insurance plan.
13. My employer working with me on my sick leave, because I do take a lot. *ahem*
14. My dog, Callie, for being a constant companion for me.
15. Food to nourish us.
16. Trips that have fed my soul this past year, including trips to Orlando to see my friend Nikki (and now Jason!), a trip to Kure Beach, NC, as part of the Little Pink Houses of Hope beach retreat program, a trip to Tampa Bay, and a trip to Baltimore to attend the Metastatic Breast Cancer Network conference.
17. Hope.
18. Laughter.
19. When I’m able to focus enough to read, books. I’ve always loved books.
20. When I’m not able to focus enough to read, good TV programs.
21. Sunshiny days.
22. A good, working car.
23. Caller ID.
24. Good music.
25. Going to see live music or a live show.
26. Diet Vernors. Don’t judge me; I need it when I’m sick and trying to rehydrate myself.
27. Understanding co-workers.
28. That I got myself to the hospital when it turned out that I had a Pulmonary Embolism (blood clot in a lung). It truly could have killed me if I hadn’t gone.
29. Living in an era of more and more medicine to fight cancer.
30. Being able to blog my thoughts and feelings out.
Nope, nobody told me there’d be days like this. Oy.
I’m still kind of sick. I alternate hot and cold, so I’m staying home. Plus, I feel completely wiped out from yesterday.
I often have strange dreams when I’m sick, and yesterday and today have been no exception.
Let’s see, there was one where I was driving around in one of those smallish trucks — 12-wheeler, Absent Minded Professor said. Now, I have problems driving big cars or big SUVs, so I don’t know why I was trying this out. Well, actually, AMP and I owned it. HUH?! At the same time, Energy Boy was with me because AMP had forgotten to take him to school and had forgotten to call him off of school too. Slacker!
In another dream, AMP got a job working for an insurance company and I got a job working for a paper company (too much of The Office, I think). It was hard finding the companies and I never did find the paper company. I ended up quitting before I started because I realized that we needed the job I have now to make all of our various and sundry payments (which is true; we’re Cancer Poor, i.e. our finances have taken a beating because of my cancer).
Those are the dreams I remember the most, except for the one where I got all up in someone’s face and a little bit violent with this person. Anger issues, much? Yep, cancer will do that too.
Don’t mind me. I’m always off-kilter and not in a good frame of mind when I’m sick. Who is, though?
Well, I’ve been sick today, and worse than that, I can’t find my anti-diarrhea medicine. Oy.
It’s not been a fun day, needless to say. I don’t really have much to write about, but I’m writing because I signed up for NaBloPoMo, and those of us who did that are supposed to blog every day.
Sometimes when I’ve been this sick, I go into the oncologist’s office when they’re open — which will be tomorrow — and get an infusion of fluids to get myself re-hydrated. I haven’t decided for sure if I’m going to do that tomorrow, but I probably will. It helps so much.
I feel weak, and off-balance, and I’ve done nothing but sleep and watch TV all day . . . oh yeah, and get sick too, but you don’t need the details of that. Yuck.
So I’m writing kind of a nothing post just to write, to try to keep the creative juices flowing even though I don’t feel creative at all today.
